“Let’s talk about all the good things and the bad things that may be…”
Salt ‘n Peppa
Not my favorite Salt ‘n Peppa song (that would be “Push It”) but it felt apt. Honestly, the title is probably the spiciest thing in this post so don’t get too nervous and/or excited. Reading/writing controversies seem to be a running theme lately, but before we get down and dirty (no, not like that) do you know what’s weirdly controversial?
Pizza toppings.
Debates about ethical food sourcing and nutrition besides, why does anyone care what anyone else orders on their own damn pizza?
Unless you’re sharing a pie, it does not matter. Honestly, it’s hard to have faith people will ever have personal autonomy when we can’t even respect food preferences. Let those Hawaiian pizza lovers live, okay? Me, I’m partial to loaded baked potato pizza. It’s so hard to find a good loaded baked potato pizza. And I want the real deal. I don’t want to read graphic details about someone else enjoying it. How is that satisfying?
Anyway, sex scenes in books are a lot like pizza toppings. We don’t all have the same tastes, and some can be icky – or unintentionally hilarious, which isn’t like pizza toppings at all, but still worth noting (okay, anchovies are funny).
I used to think sex was mandatory in adult novels. I started reading them in fifth grade. One of the first was Jaws by Peter Benchley. The only big difference between the movie and the book is – spoiler alert – the marine biologist dies, but only after he has a torrid affair with Chief Brody’s wife out of left field. Maybe she felt ignored by her shark-obsessed husband, maybe the marine biologist was a ripped silver fox like the dude on River Monsters and she just couldn’t help herself, I don’t remember. It wasn’t very well developed. It was just…there. Like he had to throw in an obligatory sex scene and it couldn’t possibly happen between a married couple because that would just be gratuitous.
I don’t think Michael Crichton included any sex in Jurassic Park. Just loads of the scary dino action we came for. Also, fractals. He kinda lost me with the fractals until I took Applied Math in college by mistake because I thought it was about balancing a check book, not chaos theory. I understand the broad strokes – heh ‘strokes’ – but I worked harder for that B than most of my As (no, not like that). I had to write a research paper – about math!
Anyway. Sexual content in Stephen King books is generally pertinent to the plot and he doesn’t dwell on it save one infamous scene most of us can do without. Less pertinent are some of the scenes Dean R. Koontz includes. I was so happy to talk to a kindred spirit who shared my sentiments about Whispers and/or Watchers (different threats, similar characters), in which a deeply traumatized agoraphobe turns into a wisecracking porn star the first time she’s with someone. Even as a naive kid, that scene rang false.
Scenes like that are why I have to laugh when people say books must include sex to be realistic. Writers of all people should appreciate the distinction between real and believable – and how often are sex scenes either of those things? Writers rarely include the disappointments, or even just the awkward and silly moments. Sometimes I worry I include too many meals, but a lot of characters have way more sex than food in other books, and that doesn’t feel very realistic at all. Where do they find the energy?
A lot of people read for escapism and not realism, which is totally fine. I’ve seen people suggest that people who avoid sex scenes are prudes and/or not getting any. I used to assume that was the case for those who sought it out. How much time I’ve spent reading any books has been inversely proportional to my level of social interaction in general. Regardless, it’s not nice to slut-shame or prude-shame.
There’s an audience for everything. Read or write what you want. Only peer pressure is shameful. Sometimes I wish we treated books more like film and television. When I write, it can be for children and above, or teens and above, or adults – and that doesn’t always mean a hard R. It shouldn’t be a big deal for someone to seek an adult book without sex. I couldn’t deal with violent content for a time after certain life events. Not only does everyone have different preferences, but those preferences change by mood or circumstance.
Let people enjoy things – or not – that don’t bring harm to others.
