“Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere. We are caught in an inescapable network of mutuality, tied in a single garment of destiny. Whatever affects one directly, affects all indirectly.” – Martin Luther King, Jr
“It gets better” is another one of those inspirational sayings that irks me. Even now, I mutter “liar” under my breath every time I see it. But one day I saw a different sentiment: “It doesn’t get better; you do.”
I like it so much better. Not only is it more truthful, it’s empowering. The only thing we have control over is ourselves, and how we engage with others in times of comfort and upheaval. Contrary to another saying, kindness won’t always be returned. Be kind anyway; it’s clearly lacking in the universe. That includes being kind to yourself, and honest with others. Honesty and kindness are not opposites. Some people only conflate honesty with cruelty to avoid accountability for words and actions, and they’re often pathological liars besides.
I’ve learned it’s impossible to make people happy, especially if they are determined to find fault. I receive too many mixed messages to let others inform my self-image. I will always be too much or not enough, forever in search of the elusive “just right”. My measuring stick for self-improvement is whether or not I feel at peace with myself. Experience has taught me to trust my instincts. I speak up because I feel remiss if I don’t, not because I expect something in return. That road leads to entitlement and resentment.
Speaking of entitlement, we have armed supremacists claiming oppression and threatening violence if other people aren’t forced back to work to serve them, without any consequence. Meanwhile, others continue to be mistreated and even killed because of the color of their skin, including children; and some still want to pretend there isn’t something deeply systemically wrong. This pandemic is shining a spotlight on just about every major issue we face, as well as the undeniable reality of privilege.
And again we have the overlap with science deniers. Even some of the more reasonable people have a knee-jerk reaction to anything that inconveniences them, and then seek out only the viewpoints that support their self-centered impulses, no matter how suspect.
I was in denial myself, but only because the country has mostly been sheltered from prior pandemics. Of course, that was before people decided the solution to government corruption was letting people who were inept at best and criminal at worst exploit it, up to and including subverting the pandemic response for personal gain. The desire to “shake things up” has a body count.
When the proverbial poo hit the fan, I was despondent. Then I remembered who I am, and what my family has been through. In the past ten years alone, my husband and I dealt with a high risk twin pregnancy, my premature retirement from full time teaching, several health issues, a bankruptcy, a cross country move, and two layoffs. While this situation was altogether new, it wasn’t beyond our capacity to deal. The good and bad times will always ebb and flow. And that’s if you’re lucky.
Unfortunately, others have never known this concept of normal others want restored. They are also experiencing the brunt of the impact from this pandemic. “Normal” may have appeared fine for some, but maintaining it was awful for others. It’s even part of why things are so much worse for us all than they otherwise had to be (though some have enough wealth and power to remain untouched).
Like many, we have our concerns and disappointments. My sons will miss out on talent shows and band concerts. The next time they go to school, it will be the middle school. My husband and I had to cancel our first ever author event at the Book Loft in Ohio, and the family vacation we planned around it. So far we have financial security, but if we’ve learned anything from the last ten years, it’s to remain on guard for the next big upset. Still, we’re fortunate; I try not to take it for granted.
I grow so weary of those who punch down. Ultimately we all suffer the consequences of greed and failed leadership. And the increasing normalization of white supremacists worries me far more than deadly viruses or murder hornets.
