If a fat person exists but nobody is around to tell them it’s a problem, is it still a problem?
Virtue signalling is one of those accusations that gets thrown around loosely. It comes from the the presumption that someone is feigning concern to score points on some imaginary scoreboard. Sometimes they care, sometimes they don’t, and sometimes it’s a little of both. Personally I think pure altruism is something we should strive for, but it’s ultimately unattainable because helping others will always benefit ourselves. We’re social animals. Caring about others is necessary to our survival – and its absence will be the most likely cause of our extinction. But I digress.
The one time I feel confident in identifying virtue signalling is when people claim body positivity is “harmful”. Some call it concern trolling, which is probably more accurate. After all, people that carry on about weight are doing it less to score points and more to build themselves up by tearing someone else down. And that’s how you know their “concern” comes from a place of insincerity. If you care about someone’s health, you don’t do and say things to undermine their self-esteem. You can’t shame people into self-care. It’s called a shame-spiral for a reason.
And all of this assumes someone isn’t already exercising and “eating right”, there isn’t some other reason for their fatness, or they aren’t in the middle of their weight loss journey. The most blatant example of concern trolling is when ads for sports bras or exercise equipment dare to include fat people, and people get upset about that. You want them to have a healthy active lifestyle, but you don’t want to see them get support or pursue that goal?
I was reminded of that viral story when a chubby guy went out for a night of dancing, and people made fun of him. As it turns out, he was already in the process of losing weight. And even if he hadn’t already lost a lot of weight, nobody owes anyone thinness for the right to exist in public. Socializing is an essential part of any healthy lifestyle. So is self-confidence.
Back to the controversial sports bra ads, the debate drew attention to how little people understand the human body, the female body in particular. It also reminded me of double standards in healthcare that impair care no matter where someone falls on the spectrum. Personally, I’m a little taller than the average female, and despite my fondness for sweets, I tend to be on the thin side. I still can’t exercise comfortably without a good sports bra. And that’s why there’s such a demand for them.
I used to work in healthcare management. We frequently received requests for breast reduction surgeries. Sometimes requests would come in for men because weight gain can increase estrogen production and lead to the development of breasts. These single page requests were always approved immediately by medical directors. Women were less fortunate. Their doctors could submit pages and pages of documentation detailing everything from their diet and exercise habits to pain management for their back pain, photos of their breasts and even the raw bloody grooves in their shoulders because no bra could provide adequate support, and still their requests were denied. Instead the medical directors would tell them to diet and exercise more. Some of these women weren’t overweight in the first place. Others could not safely restrict their caloric intake any more than they already were. And, again, how could they exercise without proper support?
It’s not just bullies online.
In general, I think someone’s weight is between them and their doctors. The sad reality is a lot of doctors mistreat patients, some due to personal bias like those I saw at work, others due to systemic bias resulting from faulty research and data. The problem worsens across different demographics. A lot of gynecological diseases in particular were ignored for centuries. Some of them even cause weight gain, but weight gain is often treated as a cause rather than a symptom. Even today, women still get dismissed as ‘hysterical’, a word that began as a misdiagnosis of women’s health problems.
Even skinny people can get overlooked. I was a frequent flier to my campus health center in college. A lot of seemingly disparate symptoms – chronic cough, bad taste, toothaches, earaches, sinus infections – pointed to chronic acid reflux later identified by a better doctor back home. They didn’t even mention my extreme weight loss, let alone investigate. Being underweight never seems to attract the same concern as being overweight even though we know the body starts to eat itself if we don’t consume enough calories. Did I receive negative comments? Sometimes, but it wasn’t a constant refrain. And somehow I still knew I felt bad without anyone telling me I should feel bad.
Commenting on the weight of others fails the T.H.I.N.K. test. It’s rarely helpful, intelligent, necessary, or kind, and sometimes it isn’t even true.
Anyway, it’s almost Thanksgiving. I’m thankful for good health, yummy food, and the privilege to indulge in dessert without judgement.
