She had blue skin,
And so did he.
He kept it hid
And so did she.
They searched for blue
Their whole life through,
Then passed right by—
And never knew.
- Shel Silverstein, Masks
Be kind. Be yourself.Be honest. No, be quiet.Be as it suits me.
- me (who is absolutely not on his level, but may have been the dumbass try-hard that always volunteered in school. Didn’t get eaten by aliens, just burned out.)
There’s this video by a sad beige woman about raising sad beige kids instead of letting them “be weird” because letting them be weird doesn’t protect them from being bullied. And you know what?
She’s right (for the wrong reasons). Letting kids “be weird” (aka themselves) doesn’t protect them from being bullied. It just means you won’t be their first and biggest bully.
There is no protecting kids from being bullied.
Give them a weird name. Bullied. Give them a “normal” name?
They get stuck with an initial at best, bullied at worst.
Let them dress how they want?
Bullied.
Buy them brand name clothing and give them a trendy haircut?
Bullied.
The woman who made that video?
Absolutely bullied, and I don’t mean now that people are calling her out on her bad take. I guarantee she was bullied as a child, despite the fact or maybe even because she cared more about fitting in than being herself.
Apart from providing support and teaching coping skills, you can not bully-proof children. It’s the bullying that’s the problem. That’s part of why “solutions” like school uniforms fail to prevent bullying. Children raised to be bullies will find a reason to bully, even if they have to invent one. But people don’t want to address the bullying because “there’s always going to be bullying”.
Well, guess what?
Unless Team Authoritarianism and Eugenics has their way, there will always be kids who look different or act different or dare to do anything but conform to narrow boxes that limit creativity and ingenuity. The only people who can change who they are and have it work out for the better, not just for others, but for themselves are…the bullies. Bullying is a) a choice, and b) a choice made expressly with the intent to harm.
And frankly, I feel kind of dumb writing a long blog spelling out something Shel Silverstein so eloquently addressed in a decades-old poem even a child (or at least their parent and/or teacher) can understand. Unless someone is “weird” in ways that harm others (I suspect the woman behind that dumbass video is among the first to defend harmful behavior, like, I dunno…bullying), let them embrace their weird. It’s what makes them unique.
Shel Silverstein didn’t become one of the most famous poets because he was normal. Einstein didn’t become one of the most famous scientists because he was normal. Those dudes were weird as hell, and we celebrate them for it. They accomplished big things because they thought outside the box. More importantly, they made real connections because they were authentic.
At best, “normal” might help you disappear in the crowd. It’s great for thievery – and little else. It’s more likely to make you miss out on connections.
