“To warn of a threat and be dismissed is to have your own worth questioned, along with the worth of all you strive to keep safe.”
– Sarah Kendzior, Hiding in Plain Sight
I want to write a happy holiday post full of sweetness and light, I really do, but it’s just not in the cards. Not yet, anyway. Give me time. People make me sad, but my family makes me happy. Right now we’re hibernating. School is fully remote for the rest of December. My husband is on vacation. It’s cold and snowy, and I don’t want to get out of my pajamas to leave the house anyway.
I remember hearing grumpy old men like Rush Limbaugh and Newt Gingrich rant when I was little, and being told not to worry because nobody takes them seriously, and racism and sexism aren’t a problem anymore, and “oh, it’s just their generation” when I’d overhear hurtful conversations by others. But not only did their voices fail to fade as I grew up, they were joined by the likes of Alex Jones and other conspiracy theorists who used the internet to increase the spread of disinformation and harassment campaigns like the one against Sandy Hook parents.
When a black man won the presidency, the proverbial poo hit the fan. I remember social media being flooded with memes and articles from sketchy websites full of absolute nonsense. Even though I was raised to believe nothing mattered more than honesty, I couldn’t provide facts no matter how politely because it was “tacky”. Spreading dangerous lies and propaganda is a’ok, but telling the truth – that’s tacky. Some content even tried to fat shame Michelle Obama. Nevermind the fact her muscular arms were total #goals when she rocked those tank dresses, it was really a racist attack because it was about her curves, not her weight.
Then the nation picked the failed businessman and reality TV “personality” who pushed the racist ‘birtherism’ conspiracy as Obama’s successor. That this man is exactly the sort of creepy, entitled blowhard that repelled me since childhood made my feelings of betrayal all the more vivid. Some people blame the media for making him look bad, but it’s the media that normalized him and helped build his brand. His words, actions, and tweets are damning enough.
Now that I recognize how flawed people’s judgement can be, I wish I didn’t let them get to me when I was younger. I should have weighed their opinions of me against my opinions of them. Their actions would still be a problem, but at least I wouldn’t internalize them. I hate that I lost so much time to sadness and loneliness. In the last few years especially I’ve realized sometimes it’s a good thing if you don’t fit in, and it’s not always you that’s the problem.
While recent revelations make me feel better about myself, I feel worse about others. I’m far from perfect, but I acknowledge faults and try to improve. Maybe that’s why it took so long to come to this realization. As long as I believed the problem was me, I could do something about it, but of course it only got worse – because the problem wasn’t just me, and there’s nothing I can do about anyone else. I hate feeling powerless more than anything. It’s hard to empathize with people who prefer to blame everyone else instead of looking within, or even considering the possibility they might be wrong or deceived. We all need to learn how to lean into discomfort, and ask the tough questions of ourselves and others without falling into despair or lashing out.
Too many in the media and government, even just regular people, are indulging in self-parody at this point, like characters in a sitcom past its prime – just as predictable, but not as comforting. The president and his supporters still claim election fraud despite no evidence. Even the judges he appointed are part of the deep state because they ruled against bogus lawsuits targeting black communities, and it’s just so unfair to him. Because it’s always about him, only he tells supporters it’s about them so they will continue contributing money to pay off his debts, or try roughing up a lady governor, whatever.
Meanwhile Covid19 continues to ravage the country, and a company is sitting on millions of vaccines awaiting further guidance. Yet someone wrote an op-ed saying Biden can unify people by thanking the president for the vaccine, or rather, perpetuating the lie he had anything to do with a vaccine his administration can’t even distribute properly. The Washington Post says democracy dies in darkness, but I think it dies on editorial pages.
Then there’s an onslaught of insecure men writing openly sexist op-eds in papers like the Wall Street Journal to diminish Dr. Jill Biden’s achievements, and crying “cancel culture” in prewritten rebuttals anticipating criticism. Criticism is not cancellation. I remember a similar editorial in The New York Times several months ago after they were called out for publishing an op-ed inciting violence. And I’m sure we’ll see those same tired arguments many more times in the coming months and even years. It never ends. There’s even comedians getting paid to unironically whine about cancel culture.
Speaking of insecure men and violence, white supremacists continue to threaten the lives of women in government, and Americans in general. There have been more cyber attacks by Russia, but the president has nothing to say about that. We’re living with the evidence of Covid19 (including 300,000+ dead, and others living with lasting complications), and there’s an abundance of observable evidence regarding Russia, too, but we’re to believe those are hoaxes, and election fraud is real. The president is the real victim. Everyone else is lying and out to get him, including people he appointed himself (gee, it’s almost like he’s not up to the task, even if you did buy into his nonsense).
And now to distract from all that, the same people who spent years defending boasts about ogling teens in their dressing room or grabbing women without consent, and every other awful thing he says or tweets as “locker room talk” or “telling it like it is”, are clutching their pearls over a woman calling them a bad word precisely because they do awful things like defending a predator and perpetuating his lies. People who claim they like “straight-shooters” feel very differently when they find themselves on the wrong end of the barrel.
So, yeah, I’m trying to enjoy time with my family, but the world is a crazy place, and I remain ill at ease. A change in leadership is a start, but it’s not enough, especially if Biden wants to play nice with people that don’t play by the rules. Those who don’t learn from history are doomed to repeat it.
